This is a wonderful example of show VS. Tell and fabulous critiquing.
I encourage all writers to read this post.
Just one complaint, I’d really like to know where the heck to read the rest of the story shared here.
The phrase I see myself writing most often to new writers is, “You need to work on adding emotion and showing more, telling less.”
- Add emotion.
- Show, don’t tell.
Well, why not give some examples so we can learn that first hand?
Everyone talks about Show versus Tell because it really helps a story be more engaging and immersing to the reader.
Show Versus Tell – NOT what you did in kindergarten.
Let the reader see the scene. Describe it. When you show what’s happening, you are putting us there in the moment as readers, using our senses; we get a better feel for the story and characters. We are part of the scene as it is happening, and we immerse ourselves more in your…
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