Walking down the sidewalk away from our house with Campbell sniffing happily alongside me, and me reveling in the wonderfully warm morning sun, and the unusual quiet, for once in many days I felt no real sense of stress or strain.
It had been an unusually rough couple of weeks for me, and probably Campbell too.
I’d just recently made the decision to fully retire him and the both of us were going through quite an adjustment.
Add on some personal problems I’d been dealing with as well as a UTI unknown to me until I’d gone for my physical and my ongoing tech trials, I had simply reached my limit, so the quiet was a welcome relief.
I had to admit it was a bit unusual not to hear trains coming and going from the train yard, but I also had to admit I was glad not to hear them.
When we reached the end of the block by the bus stop, we neighbors had asked for and gotten only to recently learn we might now lose, I heard a tennis game going on over at the park.
Just as I turned the corner to walk down the dead-end sidewalk for which I could still find no reason, I was very sure I heard someone across the way at the park say, “There’s Patty and Campbell.”
I turned in the direction from where the voice had come and when I did all fell still.
The game stopped and I knew I was being watched. Raising my hand in acknowledgement so they’d be sure I heard them I waited a moment to let Campbell have a good sniff and a pee on the utility pole as well as give whomever was over their ample time to call to me if they wanted.
sighing I dropped my hand back to my side, and then speaking in such a way so that my voice would carry without yelling I stated, “Campbell, ready to head back? It’s a beautiful day and we’ve no time to waste on persons who seem to have lost their tongues.”
As we made our way back the way we’d come, and the game took up where it had left off, I wondered just which group of people that had been. I was almost sure I knew but having decided a while back that I would try very hard not to make assumptions I couldn’t say absolutely for sure.
I was simply tired of joining and then being for whatever reasons rejected by groups of people who would, when I joined always declare, “We are so glad to have you. We don’t care what kinds of problems you have, just be yourself.” Only to decide not long there-after that they couldn’t handle me as “Myself” after all.
It was always the same damn thing. Either I was in a sighted group of mentally ill persons, and was too blind, or in a group of blind persons and was too mentally ill, or I was in a group of both blind and sighted persons who were also mentally ill at which point my physical limitations from fibromyalgia, arthritis, and the vestiges left-over from my sickness a few years back would cause issue.
After many years of trying and failing to belong to large groups, I’d simply given up. Between that and now being estranged from most of my family I’d learned quite by surprise, that I did indeed like myself very much and furthermore, I liked my solitude.
I’d waken one Sunday morning during the fall on a day much like this to the sudden realization that I enjoyed this quite a lot and once that had taken place there was no turning back.
I don’t mean to say that I’m a total hermit, but I do believe I’ve been a partial introvert in extrovert’s clothing for my entire life and in fact, that had been a large reason for my Bipolar to be so out of control.
I also suspected that I might not be diagnosed quite correctly. While I didn’t doubt my Bipolar, and Anxiety Disorder, I felt there might be something in the mix the doctors hadn’t found. Not because it wasn’t evident, just because our society likes nicely rounded corners, and tightly tied knots, and so when they have a fairly easy label to slap onto someone, they do it, and look no more.
That was fine with me. I was finding what I’d read about the symptoms of Bipolar settling somewhat for some sufferers once they reached 50-years old to be refreshingly true. Whether that is because of chemical changes within the body, or the fact that we’ve finally matured enough to get used to and cope with the Disorder wasn’t quite known, but for me it was of no matter. I was for the most part feeling better than I’d done in years and was happy just to enjoy it. As far as the possible unknown diagnosis, I was learning to deal with that too.
Coming back into the yard and making sure to shut the front gate, I nearly turned my ankle as Campbell gave his leash an enthusiastic tug toward a particularly incredible smell.
“Hey! Bubba! Watch that. Would you? I break an ankle and it’s boarding for you. There aint no one to take care of you kid. We got nobody to help us out every-day all day long while I hobble round in a cast.” I grumped.
“Sneeze. Shake. Sorry mom. It’s just really awesome!” He replied in his best lab dialect.
“Alright, but don’t be doing that no more.” I chided.
Making our way round the house I gave a laugh.
“Sure. I’ve heard it before. No worries pup. I know your labby nose takes over sometimes. That’s OK. Just let’s be careful.”
I worried about being injured lots. When I’d been sick before I’d been fortunate to land into a very nice, well run nursing therapy facility with a magnificently great staff and top-rate physical therapy team, but I’d recently learned my insurance was not accepted there since I’d changed to a new plan, and I was having trouble changing to another. That, along with the knowledge that I did not have enough physical friends to manage being at home with a broken bone which would keep me off my feet scared me quite badly.
Now, I was contemplating getting another guide thus making us a two-dog family and I worried what would happen if I should have another situation like my sickness in 2017.
“Well, no since borrowing trouble.” I declared to the air. “Damn stuff will barge right in, sit down on the foot of the bed and announce, I’m Trouble, here to make you absolutely miserable. How can I cause problems today. I damn sure don’t need to invite it by worrying about it.” I observed.
Kicking off my sneakers I thought about changing clothes, but decided I’d just stay in what I’d put on this morning when I’d thought I’d go out to the store.
Campbell had changed my mind on that though, by making it quite known he’d had just about enough of my going off without him.
He didn’t want to work, but he didn’t like to be left lots either.
Honestly, I had to admit it felt good to have nothing weighing on me today.
Since Saturday I’d been working fast as was possible transferring files from one computer to another and it was tedious work. I’d not realized how many documents, photos, books, and videos I’d gathered up over the years.
First, I’d had to learn how to transfer them using my newly updated software, then I’d had to make certain to get rid of all the duplicate files I’d managed to save, then I had to sort through and arrange my clients’ folders, and that along with relearning how to navigate the public transit without Campbell had finally taken its toll.
Campbell and I had played and loved the morning away, and I’d finished the Tom Clancy book I’d been reading.
When I’d begun this Jack Ryan series someone had suggested I read them in chronological order, but I must say, had I done so, I’d have never finished the series.
When I first started reading, ‘read Rabbit’ I’d hated Jack, who up until reading this book, I’d really liked, and had thought had he been real I could’ve enjoyed being his friend.
But, in this book, he and his wife are new to the CIA and all Jack’s job entails, and to put it bluntly, till the very last few chapters I found them to be whiny, wimps.
Old Jack pulled it out though, and as the book ended, I found myself ready to go on to the next.
I didn’t though. I’ve got a book club meeting coming up soon and so I’m reading the chosen book of the month. I’m finding it quite good. It is A Painted House by John Grisham and though I’ve just begun it, it’s great. In fact, it’s a nice change from the gritty espionage in Clancy’s Jack Ryan series, and while I know I’ll be tempted to return to the intrigue jack and all his CIA and FBI friends get involved with, I won’t because I’ve yet another book club book to read once this one’s done.
I know I must get up from here soon and wash the dishes. They’re starting to throw themselves back out of the sink at me.
Every week I insist I’m going to empty the dishwasher once the dishes are done, put them away and then when I eat, I’ll rinse the dishes, and put them into the dishwasher.
I do OK with this for a couple cycles, then something like my new computer arriving will happen, I’ll get all caught up in it and soon I’m back to piling things one on top of another yet again.
It’s the single person’s curse. Same with the laundry. I’m great at washing and drying things, but horrible at folding and putting them away.
They either languish in the dryer, thus causing me to sort through a pile of stuff while my butt sticks up in the air and my head is buried in the dryer, maybe to never be seen again, or I manage to fold them and just take things off the stack until the stack is gone and the washer is full again.
“Slob.” I think to myself as I write. “Ah well, hell. Who cares? Just me and Campbell here.
Muse, enough. This isn’t getting the dishes washed or the clothes put away.
Soon it’ll be time for a conference call with a business client who has been out of town and needs to touch base now that he’s back.
Just wanted to jot a few things down. Now that I have, I’m happy to share with you.
Oh yeah, to those following my writing process for the Campbell’s Rambles Trilogy, I’ve decided on a new title.
I’d written about that before, but while I was pretty sure I had it picked, I’d not made the final decision.
I’ve not had much time to spend on it though, and I do hope to find time later today. I’m ready to work on Chapter six of what will be the second edition of Campbell’s Rambles: How a Seeing Eye Dog Retrieved My Life.
If you haven’t read that book, or if you’d like to learn more just be sure to visit the ‘My Books’ link before you exit campbellsworld today.
Thanks for visiting with me today in campbellsworld. I’m always glad when you drop by. Do come again soon.
Tell—It-To-The-World Marketing will be up and running full-speed again next week, and there’s just no telling what we’ll get up to here.
Until next time, this is Patty, who is glad for a moment to catch her breath, and King Campbell Lee Super Retired Seeing Eye Dog A.K.A. Bubba who is glad his mommy stayed home today saying…
Take care of yourself else you’ll not be any good for caring for others.
May harmony find you and blessed be.