Nocturnal Journal: Unknown Messages

I woke around 1 in the morning unable to shake the dream I’d had.
The room was hot, and the ceiling fan was making a click clack noise I could no longer ignore.
Finally, unable to stand it any-more I got up and headed for the living room and what I hoped would be a return to sleep.
After about a half hour there I still couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling the dream had left inside me Campbell was awake and so I went back to my bed to see if snuggling with him would help.
Before getting back into bed I turned down the air and shut off the fan in the hopes that the room would not get too hot and that the quiet comfort of snuggling with my boy would put me back to sleep a while.
That was not to be so finally giving up all together I simply got up got dressed and although it was only about 2:30 AM began my day.
Going into the kitchen the linoleum cool on my bare-feet I headed for the coffee pot and the coffee I hoped would clear the lingering vestiges of the dream I’d had earlier from my head.
The dream is a variation of one I’ve been having three or four nights a week for nearly a month.
I feel maybe it is triggered by the types of books I’m reading and the writing I’m doing but still I cannot shake the unsettled scared feeling it leaves me with each time I have it.
I don’t necessarily think the dream is caused by the things that have triggered it. It’s more like that trigger opened me to a message I’m supposed to receive.
Ever since I moved into this house I’ve had an uncomfortable premonition and while I can’t put my finger on what it is all about I know without doubt something is about to happen that will affect my life.
I feel that while what is about to happen might be negative, the result for me will be a positive one.
I’m not sure if it is the negative feelings or the thought that the result of the negativity will be positive for me that bothers me but night after night the amount of sleep I got becomes less and less and the unsettled feelings grow.
Now, here I sit with a half drank cup of strong hot coffee at my left elbow and even that is in a way unsettling.
For the last week or so I have found that I like my coffee best very hot, strong and black.
Though I love flavored coffee creamer or hot milk in my coffee of late I’ve found some kind of comfort in the rich smell and taste black coffee gives me.
Changes within me seem to be taking place but I cannot put them into words anyone would understand. It is as if I am being transformed.
None of what I feel during my nocturnal events make sense to me but what can I do?
I’m not comfortable consulting the tarot about it for fear my unsettled feelings will affect the reading. I don’t feel I have anyone in whom I can entrust the details of the dream to, so I continue to deal with it on my own.
I long for someone within the magickal community in whom I can confide but I have yet to find a local group to which I can belong.
This writing is the beginning of a nocturnal journal I’ve decided to keep.
I do not know how much I’ll divulge here but this part I’m comfortable sharing.
For now, I’ll go. Campbell got up around 3:30 and asked to have a bite of my apple and then wanted out. I gave him a bite and then after finishing it took him out for a quick park time under the porch light.
Now he’s napping on the loveseat and I’m here dealing with the early morning.
Rain clicks against the windows and a lone bird sings in a tree somewhere outside. It too wakes in the early morning.
Sometimes I get a feeling the bird is trying to tell me something. It’s almost as if I can hear its thoughts but I have yet to interpret.
Will I sleep again before sunrise? Probably not. It’s just how it goes for me much of the time these days.
Anyhow, thanks for reading if you did and blessid be.

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