Troublesome Tuesday: Uncertainty Abounds


I’m glad to see that you’ve stopped in for a visit. Maybe, you can help me with all that I’m feeling this day.

In my rational mind, I know things are, indeed better in many ways, than they’ve been for a long while, but somehow, I still feel unsure.

When I look at my blog stats, I’m amazed, at how well, it is doing.

I, see that many people are visiting, reading, liking, commenting, and at times, even sharing what I post.

My second book, Bubba Tails From the Puppy Nursery At The Seeing Eye, is due out in a very short time, and it has great possibility.

I’m helping to open, and run what, promises to be a wonderful drop-in support center for the community, and so, why on earth do I still feel so uncertain of what lies ahead?

The first, and most obvious reason, is my health. I am still having issue with UTIS, and just yesterday we found cause to be concerned that there may be an issue that we over-looked.

So, of course this would make me feel a bit insecure, but to me, the feelings I have are still quite unreasonable.

I am, doing better financially, but, still find myself on the very edge.

So, this too, speaks to my uncertainty, but then, on the other-hand, I’ve been in this situation for so long, should I not be used to it?

I hate to even write such, as I am doing, but somehow, I felt, if I gave voice to what I felt, it might go away.

It seemed, I simply could not speak how I felt any other way.

Some tell me, it is lack of faith. I have to say, Pish Posh to that.

After what I faced back in May, I have my feet firmly planted in the spirit of Mother Father God, and no one could possibly shake me from the belief that I am much loved, wanted, and protected by the Holy Spirit, and that, Spirit does most assuredly dwell within my heart, mind, body, and soul.

Yet, somehow it feels there is a shadow, that falls over me.

I feel unworthy of such blessings as I am given.

I feel somehow, still very incomplete.

I feel as if there is still, some task, left undone, and I know not what it is.

I find myself feeling easily frustrated, Over-stimulated, and at times, for no reason I can say, even downright angry.

I know where some of this comes from, but I also know, I cannot make people feel things they do not feel. Want things they do not want, or do things they do not wish to do.

I know, I should simply be able to say, I have done all I can do, and if, people are not, willing to see me for what and who I am now, rather than what and who I was, it is their loss, not mine, yet still these things eat away at the very fabric of my existence, and I know not how to dispel it from my heart.

I feel that, somehow it contributes to my physical sickness. I fear, that I will not be able to ever overcome.

I find myself, at times doubting all that I am, and ever will be, yet I know I must, now more than ever go forth.

I ask, all who will, pray.

Pray, that I am able to send these doubts out of me.

Pray, that I am able to regain my composure, spiritually, mentally, physically, and that I am able to be successful in all that I do.

I ask, that I be given restoration of my confidence, and that I am able to stand strong.

I do not wish to fall back into old behaviors. I do not desire to go back from where I have come.

I have worked so very hard to pull myself up from out of the darkness that befell me for so very long, and I do not wish to ever return.

I so very desire those which are lost to me, to return in some way.

I so very much desire that things that are wrong, be set to right, and that I, be allowed to once again walk in places I have been shunned from, and I so very badly wish to once again feel as if I truly belong.

I try, to believe as I have written, that if those who refuse to see me as I am becoming, cannot find it in their hearts to do so that, it is truly their loss, and I know this is true, but yet I falter.

As I go forth with all the new and wonderful things happening in my life, I am afraid.

Afraid, that I will disappoint.

Afraid, that I will let those who depend upon me down, and afraid that once again I’ll be cast out.

I do not believe I could withstand that, and I believe that should it happen, I might simply no longer have the strength to go on.

I try, to tell myself that I need no partner other than Campbell, but there is a deep emptiness within, but, when I think about putting myself out there in the dating world, I cringe away as if from a poison dart.

I want so very much to love, and to be loved, yet I fear it, at the same time.

I know not how to rid myself of any of what is written here, and so I pray.

If you have read, all the way to this point, I so very much appreciate you.

I’d love to know your thoughts. So, please? If you have something to say, do not hesitate.

I am grateful for all who follow my progress, and I ask our creator, to bless you all in a special way.

For those, receiving posts in your email, please remember you may simply reply to comment.

Thanks again, and blessid be.

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2 Responses to Troublesome Tuesday: Uncertainty Abounds

  1. pujakins says:

    Dear Patty, It is normal to have doubts. However, here is how I deal with mine: First I give thanks for my many blessings, then I say Dear Beloved One, Help me to remember You always and to to know you are guiding me in all ways. Thy will be done.

    Then I let go and turn my mind o something else. When the doubts return, I repeat the process. Well there is one other thing: Remember that “it is not I but the light in me.” That takes the ego out of it, So you don’t need to think you are inadequate because it is the Light in you that is leading the way. Best of luck to you and all blessings, Tasha


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