Good afternoon CAMPBELLSWORLD VISITORS!!!
I’m glad to see that you’ve stopped in for a visit. Maybe, you can help me with all that I’m feeling this day.
In my rational mind, I know things are, indeed better in many ways, than they’ve been for a long while, but somehow, I still feel unsure.
When I look at my blog stats, I’m amazed, at how well, it is doing.
I, see that many people are visiting, reading, liking, commenting, and at times, even sharing what I post.
My second book, Bubba Tails From the Puppy Nursery At The Seeing Eye, is due out in a very short time, and it has great possibility.
I’m helping to open, and run what, promises to be a wonderful drop-in support center for the community, and so, why on earth do I still feel so uncertain of what lies ahead?
The first, and most obvious reason, is my health. I am still having issue with UTIS, and just yesterday we found cause to be concerned that there may be an issue that we over-looked.
So, of course this would make me feel a bit insecure, but to me, the feelings I have are still quite unreasonable.
I am, doing better financially, but, still find myself on the very edge.
So, this too, speaks to my uncertainty, but then, on the other-hand, I’ve been in this situation for so long, should I not be used to it?
I hate to even write such, as I am doing, but somehow, I felt, if I gave voice to what I felt, it might go away.
It seemed, I simply could not speak how I felt any other way.
Some tell me, it is lack of faith. I have to say, Pish Posh to that.
After what I faced back in May, I have my feet firmly planted in the spirit of Mother Father God, and no one could possibly shake me from the belief that I am much loved, wanted, and protected by the Holy Spirit, and that, Spirit does most assuredly dwell within my heart, mind, body, and soul.
Yet, somehow it feels there is a shadow, that falls over me.
I feel unworthy of such blessings as I am given.
I feel somehow, still very incomplete.
I feel as if there is still, some task, left undone, and I know not what it is.
I find myself feeling easily frustrated, Over-stimulated, and at times, for no reason I can say, even downright angry.
I know where some of this comes from, but I also know, I cannot make people feel things they do not feel. Want things they do not want, or do things they do not wish to do.
I know, I should simply be able to say, I have done all I can do, and if, people are not, willing to see me for what and who I am now, rather than what and who I was, it is their loss, not mine, yet still these things eat away at the very fabric of my existence, and I know not how to dispel it from my heart.
I feel that, somehow it contributes to my physical sickness. I fear, that I will not be able to ever overcome.
I find myself, at times doubting all that I am, and ever will be, yet I know I must, now more than ever go forth.
I ask, all who will, pray.
Pray, that I am able to send these doubts out of me.
Pray, that I am able to regain my composure, spiritually, mentally, physically, and that I am able to be successful in all that I do.
I ask, that I be given restoration of my confidence, and that I am able to stand strong.
I do not wish to fall back into old behaviors. I do not desire to go back from where I have come.
I have worked so very hard to pull myself up from out of the darkness that befell me for so very long, and I do not wish to ever return.
I so very desire those which are lost to me, to return in some way.
I so very much desire that things that are wrong, be set to right, and that I, be allowed to once again walk in places I have been shunned from, and I so very badly wish to once again feel as if I truly belong.
I try, to believe as I have written, that if those who refuse to see me as I am becoming, cannot find it in their hearts to do so that, it is truly their loss, and I know this is true, but yet I falter.
As I go forth with all the new and wonderful things happening in my life, I am afraid.
Afraid, that I will disappoint.
Afraid, that I will let those who depend upon me down, and afraid that once again I’ll be cast out.
I do not believe I could withstand that, and I believe that should it happen, I might simply no longer have the strength to go on.
I try, to tell myself that I need no partner other than Campbell, but there is a deep emptiness within, but, when I think about putting myself out there in the dating world, I cringe away as if from a poison dart.
I want so very much to love, and to be loved, yet I fear it, at the same time.
I know not how to rid myself of any of what is written here, and so I pray.
If you have read, all the way to this point, I so very much appreciate you.
I’d love to know your thoughts. So, please? If you have something to say, do not hesitate.
I am grateful for all who follow my progress, and I ask our creator, to bless you all in a special way.
For those, receiving posts in your email, please remember you may simply reply to comment.
Thanks again, and blessid be.