Positive Perspective: I Am

Good early morning CAMPBELLSWORLD VISITORS!!! I hope, this message finds you happy, healthy, and well. Here in the Campbell Kingdom Campbell and I are doing as well as we can be at this moment. For me to write and say we’re doing Awesome, or Fabulous, would not be the truth. I, Am living a life of learning to be as Honest as is Possible, as Impeccable as is Possible, and I won’t lie and say anymore than we are doing as Well as we Can Be on this Day.

I Am, tired of several issues continuing, and have decided to come on and speak of them, and once I have, I won’t speak of them again.

No, not going to talk about problems between Mr. Gibbon and I. I’ve walked away from all that. Can find no more cause to defend myself, or him on those matters. I’ve spoken my peace on them, and other than the fact that one day when things are better for me financially I intend to write my second book, The Raw Truth, I have nothing else to say about all that. I know where my responsibility with all those problems lie, have admitted to them, apologized for them, forgiven myself for them, and I Am working toward healing from them. He remains silent, and I suppose he has his reasons. I cannot say what they are, and until he decides to do different I care no longer about it. I feel he is an awesome trainer. I believe he gave me some of the best Dog Guide training I’ll probably ever be fortunate to get ever in my life, and I hope that should I ever need to that I’ll be able to count on that awesome training again. I’d work with him as a professional any time, anywhere, and I’d recommend him as a trainer to anyone who had sense enough to want to work with him. Other than all that I Am done talking of it. It is of no more concern to me.

This day I Am going to speak on some things going on right here and now in my life which are troubling to me in a very personal way to me. I have been accused of things I did not do and say, and I Am once and for all going to speak on those, set my record straight, and after I have done so unless those spoken of here in this writing wish to come to me and discuss them as adults I will not bother with them any further either. I Am rather tired of always living in constant conflict, stress negativity and strife. I want a better life than I have had in the past, and it is my responsibility to see that happens. No other person, place, or thing can do that for me. Only I can make my life good, and as I wish it, and so I begin right here and now with these things. After this… I have no idea what is next for me. I only know that from this moment forward I want to be happy healthy and whole. To do that, I must speak of these things purge them from my system, and only then can I go forth.

First of all, I’ll speak of the problems between my daughter and me, and what I feel I am responsible for, and what I plan to do about them. I was all but a young girl myself when my daughter Polly was born. I knew not one thing of being a parent other than the parenting that was given to me during my growing up years, and while I know now that my parents did the best they could with what they had, and knew at the time, the parenting I received was lacking in quite a bit. My parents lived a life of at least to me, constant strife, arguing, and unhappiness. I don’t remember closeness, honest family ties, and I won’t pretend otherwise. That is not to say that we did not have some great times while I was growing up, no situation is all bad, and there were some times during my life as a girl that were quite awesome, and those memories I hold to dearly, and they are priceless. I’ve written of a few of them, and plan to write of more in the future. However, for the moment what I want to say is this. I was not always a great mother to Polly. I did not have the strength to stand up to the things both my mother and father did and said while she was very young, and thus our bond was damaged seriously during the most important years of her life. Throughout her growing up years, I allowed my mental illness to rule me, and even after she was grown, and beginning her own life as an adult lady and starting her own family, I at times allowed this to be so. I cannot go back and change any of that. I Am not that same person, and she can either A) choose to come forward into the life I am beginning for myself now, join me on the new journey I have chosen for myself, allow herself and her family to know me as I Am now or she can choose to remain in the past with all that negativity, dishonesty and strife. That is all up to her. Those times are so jumbled and confused for me I cannot tell you in all honesty what was real, what was false, what were lies from me, and what were truths, and to waist time on all that which cannot be changed, seems to me counterproductive, and to continue to argue over rehash and continue to place blame on one person place or thing seems stupid and a waist of what could be an awesome time for she and I both. Not to mention her most beautiful children, which from what I can learn from others who are to be trusted doing well, and are going to if things continue as they are, grow up to be fine young ladies and men. I am quite proud of her as a mother and wife, and hope she is truly happy. Polly, if you are not. If there are still things that dissatisfy you, only you can make them better. I hope you will if they are there, and if you are indeed as happy as I imagine you to be then YAY for you! Just know, that just as my parents did with what they had and knew, which was the best they could, so did I at that time in my life do. I made horrible mistakes, but going back into those times would be useless, because there are no do overs in life. I wish to know you as you are now, and wish you would get to know me as I am now. I still have a drink every now and then. I still have a J once in a while, and I Am not perfect. I have chosen the way of the Goddess, but that does not mean that I do not know the Holy Spirit, that I do not acknowledge the God and Son of God, it only means I have chosen a different way to do so, and I Am happy doing so. I will not change who I am for you, or anyone just so you yourself can be happy with me. I Am happy with me, and only wish to be allowed to be who I Am now, and to grow more in the coming days. I Am not perfect, nor do I need to be so. To try would be futile, because none of us ever can be.

To my father, I feel that you have over the years never seen me as a whole real person. I feel that you have at times regretted even having me, have been and continue to be disappointed with who and what I am as a blind and mentally ill person, but I can no more do anything about that than you can do anything about your hearing loss, or your heart condition, and you can either accept me as I Am and try to get to know all of me and see who I Am working on being or you can go on your way. I will no longer…
* take help from you.
* accept your discontent with who and what I Am and I will no longer be a part of a lie. You will either accept me as I Am and give me the respect as a person that I deserve or you may be gone from me. I want no more pretending. All of these fake visits, and dishonest behaviors Stop! In my world Right here and Now and I want o more.

To my nephew Aaron, I did not do the things you have accused me of. Did not say the things your mother Mary Beth Fletcher said I did, and if you choose to believe them, and act like an ass you may do that, but I’ll have no more of your bullying, no more of your rage, and no more of your going out of your way to make my life here on the property which we share miserable. I wish to enjoy my time here, and if you cannot do the same, then be gone with you. I want no more pretending, no more fake, no more dishonesty. You’re always saying that if people don’t like you as you are they can walk on, well that is exactly where I Am in my life, and you can like it or no. Makes no difference to me. I did not file the complaint with the City Code Department, and I have not as of yet ever called the law on you. I hope to never find I have reason to do so. For a time I was quite proud of the young man you were becoming, and in many ways I still Am but there are some things, and your current treatment of me is one of them, that disappoint but after today unless you want to apologize to me for how you were last week, you can go your way and I’ll go mine. That is not how I wish it. I have enjoyed having you and your family here, and I no matter what is said by others accept you just as you are, because a person can only be as they are unless they wish to change it, and if I want people to accept me as I Am I must also do that for them.

Mary Elizabeth Fletcher. I only have one thing to say to you and that is that the problems we are having right now are all because you brought them on. There has been no reason for your behavior toward me. When you began it back in January it caught me totally by surprise. here was no provocation on my part for it. I don’t understand it, and you owe me an apology. Until you decide to admit your wrong doing, and explain to me why you have behaved as you have, you may go your way, and I wish you well.

To my sister Joan, and her family, all I can say here is that I am very sorry for not being the kind of sister, sister in law and aunt that I should’ve been all these years, and that if you’ll give to me a chance to do so I’d very much like to get to know you better, and to be the best of all I have named as I know how to be.

To you my friends, and readers, I thank you for going on this continuing journey with me. I am going to write of all I Am. All I wish to be, and all I grow into as best I can. I will not always do a great job of being “Positive” I won’t always be as mentally straight as I Am now. I however plan to enjoy every single day to the fullest, and I hope you’ll continue onward and enjoy them with me. Even the trials I face now and will face in the future should be rejoiced of, because they’re put here to show me what I want no more of, to learn from and grow from.

I thank all who have, for reading, wish you much happiness, and joy in the days to come. Until next time, this is King Campbell and Patty saying…
May harmony find you, and blessid be.

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