Good Super Sunday Afternoon To All! I know it’s been a couple days since I wrote, but this weekend I’ve been spending some time reading, and doing a bit of self care. One of the things I’ve been doing is learning a little more about my spiritual side, where all that I believe comes from, and how to become connected on a deeper level than before.
Yesterday during my blog reading phase of my weekend of self care, I came across a post about a very interesting sounding book. It is called, Witches of America and it is by an author named Alex Mar. It is quite good, and although I’m just a bit of the way into it, I believe I couldn’t have picked a better time to have begun reading it.
Well, this morning I wrote of all this, and what happened after that has left me feeling a mix of emotions. I’ll simply suffice it to say that somehow that post provoked an argument between someone I care for very much and myself, and I don’t quite understand what all is going on with that person, but rather than react nastily, which I might add I came very close to doing, I simply discontinued conversation with them, and have decided to let a higher power than am I deal with that a while. I ended things by messaging them and saying to them that I knew something was obviously wrong, and that I was not going to give into an argument and become caught up in drama as I have so many times in the not so distant past.
As the afternoon wore on, I understood a couple of things. First, I completely understand now why my daughter feels as she does toward me. I cannot count how many times I behaved in an ugly manner for one reason or another, or in a dishonest way and then apologized, was forgiven only to do it again, and again. Well, this person has before come right out of the blue, and done and said these horrible things to me, been unnecessarily hurtful and nasty, without having had provocation to do so, and time and time again I’ve accepted apology swallowed the hurt and allowed them back into my life. Folks, here are only so many times you can do that, even when you know the other might not can fully help it all the time, till you just go…”OK how much more of this do I have to take, and why do they at the very least try and get some help with their issue and at least try to stop the behavior?” (Yes Drew and Polly I get it now yall, could you lift the curse please? It hurt this time!)
I don’t know how I’ll deal with all that, only time will tell, but as a result of my decision to not give into the drama and nasty, I was rewarded with a most awesome phone call, and a fantastic afternoon.
Just when I thought I might go to bed and curl up and pout a while, you know? Just have a “Why did she have to be so mean? What did I do to deserve that?” Party, my phone rang. It was my good friend phyllis and her day was so great, and the way she told her tale so awesome and filled with joy, that I had to write about it because it was a blessing to have had her share it with me, and it gave to me a ray of sun in what might have otherwise turned into a dark and destructive afternoon. I have to tell you that it darn near knocked me off my feet, and thanks to Phyllis, I did not get caught in the current of negativity swirling around me. Why did that happen? I believe it was because I chose not to be mean and hurtful back. I stopped after voicing my hurt and anger, and refused to answer the rest of their ugly messages.
Phyllis has given her permission to share, and so here it is. My super gift. Given because of what I thought of as my super response.
Now, I have to give a little background here so first let me tell you a story Phyllis shared with me sometime back.
You see, they’re doing the White Stone ceremony at her church. This is where everyone picks a stone, has a talk with themselves, and their higher power, and writes a word on the stone that represents something they’d like to work on improving for the year. Phyllis’s word was trust. She told me once that when she was very small, while attending the School For the Blind, she had an experience that showed her that sometimes people weren’t to be trusted. Now to some this may seem trivial but it had a major affect on her. She was in first grade, and they were having play time. She was waiting and waiting to play with the Tinker Toy set there in the room. Just when it was her turn the lunch bell sounded. The teacher and her assistant promised her that after lunch she could go back to the room and play with the toys. Well, after lunch came and they informed her it was time to go back to the dorm and take a nap, this upset her to no end, and she asked when she’d be able to play with those Tinker Toys. They told her she could do so after nap time, and so after nap time came, and still she was not allowed to play. This set her mind to believing that adults could not be trusted. This along with many other issues throughout her life stuck with her, and now here we are on this day and she wrote her word, “Trust” upon her stone. Last Sunday this was, a week ago today. She told the story I have just related to you to the person helping her write the word she’d chosen onto her stone, and would you like to know what this most awesome person did? Yes…Yes…Yes…! You guessed it! He went out and bought her a set of her very own Tinker Toys, and brought them to her today. She said it warmed her heart and healed her in a way she had no words to describe. Folks to me that is a most beautiful story, and it blessed me in such a way that I cannot describe it to you. Except to say that I have admitted trust is for sure something I don’t have much of these days.
Experiences like what happened earlier have happened before, and the thing is, with this person the things they say while in this state are always the same. Jabs about my not having a job, and having to accept help. And other hurtful things, and this makes me wonder if somewhere in their mind these things aren’t always thought of, and simply hidden away until whatever is wrong shows itself and allows the door to those thoughts to open. So now I have to ask myself to do what I’ve asked others to do and that is to love and accept this person, and to pray for their healing. Pray that they know I love them, and that I won’t turn my back, but that trust is earned.
As I close let me pray…
Dear Mother Father God, I ask of you this day for the strength to trust. For the knowledge and wisdom to know when it is safe to do so, and to know when to step away. For the ability to forgive, but to never allow someone to treat me badly. To remember how this felt and to be responsible for my own self. My own behavior, and my own mind. To be responsible and not allow my illness to cause hurt for others, and to allow me to be the person you and I know I can be.
I thank you for all of his, and for how far I’ve come. I thank you for the readers reading me now. For their support and love. Their comments emails, phone calls, and all.
Thanks for being there for me, and blessid be.
I’d like to thank each and every one of you for sticking with me. Through all my rants, my learning and growing pains. I’m sure I’ll screw up again, I don’t do perfect, but I’m a whole lot further along than I ever believed I could be.
Until next time this is Patty and her ever awesome loving and faithful King Campbell AKA Bubba saying…
May healing and harmony find you, and blessid may you be.
PS. The spelling of that author’s last name for those using Voice Over is M A R the Voice Ove read it as March. LOL
Be Impeccable with your word
Don’t assume anything
Don’t take anything personally
Always do your best
The world is not perfect. I need not be perfect
If you don’t want people to know how you are, don’t be that way
Love always. Forgive Always. Be Well.