Good morning to all CAMPBELLSWORLD VISITORS!!! Glad you’ve stopped by. Today has begun in a most wonderful way for Campbell and me, and I as usual want to share that ‘positive Perspective’ I get just from waking with my most magickal and magnificent pup.
As Campbell and I awoke around 5 AM this morning, I found right off that I had way lots to be thankful for this awesome Thor’s Day. First of all, my knee was barely hurting me at all. In fact other than a few twinges from time to time, the thing seemed to really be getting better. Second thing was that, other than some weakness the sickness that had held me in its evil grip seemed to be gone.
As we made our way through our morning’s routine I gave thanks to Mother Father God for my healing, and made the decision right then and there that I was going to see my knee healed without surgery just as I had done my shoulder. I realized that if I truly believed in the spiritual gifts that Mother Father God had given to me, that I could indeed do this.
As Campbell and I made our way outside, I relished the silent early morning. Other than a neighbor getting in their car for work, or some other early morning errand, there was no one about. The air was moist giving it a heavy feel. When Campbell was all done, and we’d made our way back inside, I got myself a cup of coffee, and set about reading Email and FB posts. Now, I gotta tell you, I totally value the quiet morning. Not many are up and about that time of day, and I have truly learned to love that time on my own. I love to read, study and meditate. I read devotions, spiritual articles, and many other awesome things. I spend time reading and reblogging other’s work, so that you fine folks can have a great variety of things to enjoy, and I also spend much time in prayer.
It has not always been this way for me. There was a time, not so very long ago that being alone with myself made me feel sad, unloved, and depressed. Then I had an experience, that for a time caused me great pain, but in the process of going through it, I have learned much about myself, and my needs, and have found productive and awesome ways to fill them.
Many of you who have read me for many moons now, know that for quite sometime I had a very unhealthy fixation on my instructor who patiently and most awesomely trained me and Campbell to live and work together. Now, none of us, least of all me, understands how that came to be. It did not begin that way for us, and I cannot even put my finger on when it began, or why, but I can say other than a couple of questions I’d like to have answered, I really am coming clear of it, and what has come as a result of all that has been great.
However, for a moment I want to talk to you about the importance of recognizing and respecting boundaries. I want to do this because I’ve found, now that I enjoy my space I don’t like to have it invaded. When I ask someone for space, and they do not give it, I find I don’t want to be around that person as much as I once did. When I want my time, or I’m busy, and I’ve made it known, and someone continues to call, or text me I find it quite disrespectful, and I totally understand how Drew must’ve felt when my behavior changed so very drastically. How he kept from really being hateful and hurtful to me is still quite a mystery. He told me once before things changed so, that he was not a patient man, but I gotta say to you sir, you’re not correct about that. I to put it bluntly was a pain in the ass, and because of things going on in my own life, I totally get it. I can honestly say it is a hard thing to come away from, and this is why I am trying very hard to be understanding and kind. While I will not cut someone out of my life for such behavior, and I won’t wait six months into their behavior to let them know of it, I won’t tolerate it either. So I can truly say I’m totally sorry for all that, and that one day I hope that Drew and I can be kind to one another should our paths cross again.
I want to stop and say this post is not directed at any one person, and as I say if I’ve got a problem with someone I’m going to let it be known quickly and as kindly as I can. Once that’s been done however, if a person continues that behavior they could find themselves cut off. Again, I won’t just block or ignore them. They’ll hear from me “Live and in person” so that they understand, and have a chance to recover their behavior, and continue in my world.
OCD behavior and a need to be around others, communicate with others, and be needed by others that becomes obsessive can be the hardest thing on this planet to overcome. I know, this episode I’ve come from is not my first, however, this time round it has led to such horrific consequence in all factors of my life, I’m really hopeful that I’ve come to a point in my life where it will be my last.
How have I become able to overcome? Well, first off, I learned to love me. While I was having issues with my family, and basically on my own unless I totally needed something, I learned that there were lots of things I could do to fill my days, and distract my mind from what the mental health people call, “Stinkin’ thinkin'” i learned that reading either via Braille, or audio books could give me hours of pleasure, and escape I never knew before. I learned even after my job ended that there were lots of volunteer jobs out there needing done, and for a while I volunteered for a local school letting the kids read to Campbell. I am not sure why that ended, and think I’m going to reach out to them to see if we can pick it up again. If not, I’ll find something else to do with my time. There are a ton and half organizations out there who need people, so finding a way to feed my need to be needed should be more than easy to do without my reverting back to OCD behavior.
I have learned that writing is another thing that gives me much pleasure, and that in doing so I have been able to work through some really hard times, and have learned such awesome things about myself that even I cannot believe it all.
I guess what I’m saying folks is this. In the midst of what was a really hurtful and horrifying time for me I have really learned to love and enjoy me. So this is my advice to anyone who finds themselves feeling alone, and wanting to reach out to others, be friendly and have something to do. Find a hobby, no matter what that is, and then learn to do it. A person that has nothing of their own in which they can get involved, that requires no one else but them is an unhealthy person. Yes, we all need people, but if you cannot first learn to totally be happy with yourself and no one else you’re going to most assuredly run into social problems. No relationship, friend, partner child or otherwise should consume 100 percent of your life. Had I allowed that behavior to continue I’d have never made it during this time of not being allowed to be in my daughter’s life. I’d have never made it through all the lonely nights where I had no company, no one to chat with on social media or phone, in no way would I have survived that.
When my daughter and I were talking and doing things with one another, I made her and my grands a huge part of my world, but thankfully I did not sstop doing things I loved. Had I done so when we began to have issues, I’d have simply curled up in the corner and died. When I found that my partner Donnie was not who I thought, and we finally ended our relationship, had I not had things of my own, my world would’ve ended.
This day I have some very pressing stuff to take care of. It is going to require me to have time and space of my own. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love those who are my family and friends, it doesn’t mean that I want no more to do with anyone, what it means is when I say I have some things to take care of today I have obligations and they must be tended to. I am a writer by trade, and at times this is a solitary profession. I cannot text or message back and forth while reading books that I’ve given my word as an author to read, and review. I must be able to concentrate if I am to ready my first 3 chapters of The Raw Truth to be published here on this blog, so for today I am simply not going to be available. I hope everyone has an awesome day, and I hope that you realize that in the end you are absolutely the only one who can make it that way.
Until next time, this is Patty and King Campbell saying…
May harmony find you, and blessid may you be.