Friendships Lost To the Monster Within

The day was cold, clear, and bright. Spring was in the air. I left in the morning. Of you I was unaware. The trip was long, confusing, and exhausting, but finally I did arrive. Still I had no idea, what waited for me inside.

For a time I was lost to the current, but soon you were there. Your voice kind strong, and reassuring, floated to me on the air.

Your hands, warm, strong, and protective, felt filled with electricity in my hand. Was such a shock to my system, I found I could barely stand.

You were there. Your gentle arms kept me from the ground, and in your Demeter only a knowledge, and friendship could be found.

To me it felt like safety. A heaven like nothing I’d ever known. If someone had told me what would could be learned there, I still would not have known.

When I was sad, or scared, your kindness washed it all away. When at the end of the day I felt I could go no further you were always there to strengthen me in some sweet and caring way.

My emotions they run high. Sometimes I get afraid. I longed to show you all of me, yet still I fought to keep the monster within his cage.

All too soon our time was over. The monster he did get loose. You saw the monster within, to walk away you did choose.

Now I’m left with an empty heart, my very soul it is torn.

Each night I whisper a prayer, just one more chance Goddess Please, just once more?

I beg forgiveness, a chance to set things right. Yet each evening as the sun sets, from my heart fades the hopeful light.

Still each night I pray, and each day I try. Somehow it’s all wrong, all the things I try.

I tried to tell you. Tried to make you understand, but still you turn away. Pushing ever harder with those warm and wonderful hands.

I will never forget you. Although I know you care for me no more. I cannot help the monster within, but I can stop him from harming others, by closing off my heart’s door.

I will go through my days of emptiness and nights of dreams gone astray. I will never let another get to close, only to have them walk away.

It is not your fault. You didi not know. You could not, because to you him I never showed. You were unaware. Yet sometimes as I look upon the memory, I wonder if you ever really cared.

Things I’ve learned since those long ago days, hard though they have been, they still cannot kill the horrible monster. That ugliness everyone eventually sees. The monster within. The monster who is me.

Patty L. Fletcher Bipolar At large

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This entry was posted in Acceptance, Apology, Beliefs, Bipolar, rapid cycling, Campbell's Rambles: How a Seeing Eye Dog Retrieved My Life, Determination, Effort, False face, Fate, darkness emptiness, forgiveness, Freedom, Friends, Mental illness and monsters and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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