Fall and the End of One and the Beginning of Another By Patty L Fletcher
As we come in to yet another change of season, and truly begin to feel the fall of the year, I too, am experiencing a change once again. I am going to try to write of it below. I am as usual just going to let the wording flow. I write best off the cuff, with a bit of editing for good measure. Several times, I’ve been asked why I write the genre, and way I do. I have answered many different ways. I’ve said that I like writing about what happens in my life. I am able to touch on all the topics I want to raise awareness and funding for all just by writing about my everyday experiences. I still hold true to this, but this evening as I was reading just for fun, I took notice of how the writer, fiction though it was, wrote descriptions of New York City. The awesome detail with which the writer wrote told me that New York was a place they enjoyed very much, and that they loved it very much as well. I thought about that for a minute or two, and then I went back to asking, “Why do you write?” The answer came to me in a whole new way, and I was able to break it down a bit more. At that very moment I knew that I wanted to make the people who read all my books, short stories, magazine articles, all that to love my town, and the life I am making within it. I have in the last couple of year’s sense being on my own, with just Campbell as my partner, realized that I am honestly though I struggle still, and enjoying my life. Yes, sometimes I’m scared, alone, and right down broken. Sometimes I’m a mental mess, and sometimes I’ve got it all in control. Through it all I am enjoying it all. I’ve been going back through some of my writing, and thinking about this past year and few months sense my first book, Campbell’s Rambles: How a Seeing Eye Dog Retrieved My Life came out. I’ve been thinking of all I’ve experienced, all I’ve done, both before the writing, during, and sense the publishing. I have to say I wouldn’t trade one moment of it. Even the abuse. This time, I learned from it. I learned in a whole new way, and this time when I walked away from that life, I really walked. I think about what awesome things have changed as far as my mental illness is concerned. Although due to some very bad episodes, and bad decisions on my part, I have lost for now at least a dear friend, my daughter, and grand children, I have gained a new career, a new ability I never knew I had, and an independence like I never had before. I have gained some new friends too. Some writers who have shown me there is more to writing than getting your work published, sharing a few links, and having a few nonproductive book sales, and signings. I’m learning that not only is writing an art, something to be worked on, polished and expanded on constantly but that if done correctly and marketed right a trade as well. They’re showing me it is alright to make a living from it, and enjoy doing so. They are showing me that success doesn’t come from tooting your own horn, and blasting what you do for others as a result of your awesome work, but from hard sweaty and sometimes competitive work, and that in the end only those who aren’t afraid to take risks, go the extra mile, stay up all night and try, be rejected, and try again till it hurts to make it. I am not as some have suggested I should be ashamed of who I am becoming, and if I have changed at all it is because I have learned that I don’t have to allow others to make me feel obligated to them, bullied by their constant “Look what I’ve done for you” and that the attitude that I’ve been given of “Good luck making it without me” is the biggest load of shit on the planet. I am a writer first, and to my own self I will be true, to what I write as well. I want people to love my town, the life I’m making, my dog, my cat, and me. The good and bad of it all. I want them to see that love does exist, that my friend Bobby is showing me so. I want folks to know that there are awesome people in the world who do things for you and want no recognition for it, who ask in fact for it to remain private, and also ask that you not speak of it anymore not even with them. I also want people to learn that as I’ve shown in the short descriptions above that there are bad parts. Yes, even of me. My mental illness can and has at times acted as a monster, and it will again. I no longer live with the fearful thought of, “when will this happen?” but “I know it will happen, and how am I going to keep it from getting the better of me next time?” I did better with that this time round, and I am proud of it. I did not do it for others, although there are some who did say if I truly went in to therapy got myself back on medications, became compliant with all forms of treatment, and did all I was supposed to do, that I’d be given another chance. They lied, and I am learning to live with it. I realized that I had to do it for me, and to hell with the rest. It hurts but it is so far what it is. My nephew Aaron is right, “Things always do work out, and something will happen, it just isn’t always what you want.” I am so thankful though, to have had all experiences, and to have continued growing from them all. I must let you know that in the next few weeks there will be some announcements made as to some personal and professional changes in my life which are slowly taking place. Until I am able to comfortably and legally make those announcements I ask all of you to be patient and continue to enjoy the things that I write, and that I advertise of others as well. Please know that Campbell Bob Cat and I aren’t going away, only remodeling The Campbell Kingdom, here on Campbell’s Corner, and we’re hopeful that the changes we make will be awesome for all. Once again my friend Phyllis Stevens who is a constant inspiration to me words come to me. “The only constant in life is change. You either go with it or it leaves you behind.” I want to make certain to say one more thing before I leave. This is something else that Phyllis has tried to teach me over the years. This for her to teach, and for me to learn has been very hard. First off, she says, sometimes no matter how much you care for a friend, or even a loved one, people grow apart. They might start out the best of business partners, friends, lovers, or a mix of all. Then they might start to have changes within their own deeper more personal lives, and the needs they had for and things they received from the other have changed as well, and slowly they drift apart, until they can for whatever reason, and many times through no fault of either one work with, be friendly to, or loving with the other and they simply must part ways. This has happened in a couple of situations for me, thus the need for change. I want to say that while I regret some decisions I allowed to be made, that had they been made differently maybe would have made a difference in the outcome, I think when the dust clears, we will all see this is best for everyone involved, and maybe one day each can come back together in some way again. For now, things are as they are meant to be.
Well folks, until next time, this is Patty Campbell and Bob Cat too, saying, “May harmony find you and Blessid Be”